READING SURROUNDED BY NARCISSISTS by THOMAS ERIKSON while DETECTIVES WORK ON THE IDAHO COLLEGE STUDENT MURDERS

Yes, I'm reading this brand new book about Narcissism, and it's full of bad news. They're everywhere, their being raised, and they'll do anything include revenge you and ruin your reputation or your career or your marriage if you don't get the hell out of there, and even then.  If they don't suck your energy from you like vampires, if they don't break your bank, if they don't get away with taking credit for your work, if they don't steal your intellectual property or your image...

They have to get their way, it's all about them. They may even have had a PLAN to get into your life, a long range plan, and a PLAN to get what they want...  No possibility of True Love there because they don't have empathy for you, what they put you through.

Subtitled How To Effectively Recognize, Avoid, and Defend Yourself Against Toxic People (and Not Lose Your Mind.)

This is all so sad.  Because those who are naturally empathic, who care, who are loving and giving of themselves, are punished for it when all that goes to a Narcissist, be that a partner, a boss, or your relatives.

But, you may be wondering, how might this tie in with the murder of four Idaho college students last week, which is quite the murder mystery at this point, one I and thousands of other people are listening in on.

Well, I'll tell you.

You see, I watched the video of two of the women who were murdered a couple hours later, at the food truck, their last stop before going home. They took a ride that wasn't Uber or Lyft, and why not when they were a five minute ride from home? These two appeared to be in "bestie" girlfriend mode after some time spent at a local bar, where perhaps they had not eaten, and - am I imagining this - though it had been a long night - took a picture of themselves together to prove what and to whom?  That they were still having a good time?  

I don't get people who are constantly photographing themselves to share, as if they have to prove they are popular and having a good time all the time.  Like Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie.... As Thomas Erikson suggests, a new "influencer" is born every five minutes.  What's going to happen to all those photos anyway?  "Well, now, here's the time when we just got food at the food truck?"

No, these people were not trying to be Internet Sensations, but they were, all of the murdered, very much into "Greek Life," into the fraternity and sorority scene,and they lived in a "party house" not far from the "row" of houses on campus. To me, someone who thinks that the whole frat and sorority scene is about alcoholism, drunk sex, and rape, and TO BE AVOIDED, not only is every person at the bar that night a suspect, every person in the frat and sorority is also.  When it comes right down to it, they are people who exclude, who think they are very special, better and more deserving than others. Greek Life should end on all campus'.  (A person can still find such clubs and organizations off campus, but a university that stands for inclusion, should no allow it.) In short, snobs are obnoxious. They don't deserved to be murdered, no one does, but the sense of entitlement and other attitudes that are typified as narcissism, are played out in those places, and only amplified by the constant proofing of privilege.

MORE THAN THAT, if the local detectives are feeling sure this bloodbath happened because one of the women rejected a MAN, it very well might be that one of the four rejected someone of the same sex, a WOMAN, even someone who was transgendering.

And a motive might not be revenge for a break up or revenge because someone was just not feeling it and didn't want to go on a date, THE MOTIVE MIGHT BE THAT THE PERSON WANTED IN ON ALL THAT "POPULARITY," all that "PARTY," all that SOCIAL LIFE, all that bouncing around and smiling for the camera, all those SELFIES. (a sure sign of narcissism, even if author Erikson doesn't mention it). 

They might have been a FRAT/ SORORITY REJECT. Subject to hazing or other rituals of ridicule.

We don't have to imagine an ex; stalkers are not always heterosexual people who are obsessed with another person with sexual and/or romantic fantasies. They are not always people who you were married to, engaged to, having an affair with, dating steadily, or ever dated at all.  

They could be your heterosexually married friend, a wife and mother, who has a lesbian crush on you anyway, who you said No to...

So, while the detectives get ready to hold a press conference and probably know a whole lot more than has been speculated in the media, or released to the media, I hope they're in reality about college campus lifestyles. 

"Greek Life" Is their any proof that the ancient Greeks lived like this? Ancient Greek men may have only seen sex with woman, other than sacred prostitutes in the temples, as for breeding only. They may have been more into what we would consider to be homosexuality.

C 2022  Christine Trzyna

POSITIVE THINKING and THE INABILITY TO EVALUATE - FICTION and NON FICTION by CONTENT CREATORS

I've been posting on self censorship because I can tell you that as soon as you start EDITING for the professor, the TA, the church, the "religious philosophy" of the school or the company you work for, or really anyone, you are out of flow. 

You have lost the ability to declare an alternative position. You may not be a radical. You may simply think otherwise. You may be capable of debate - of stating your opinion in a civilized manner without intent to create upheaval. You will be quickly shut down by someone with a more dominant status or bearing. You will perhaps decide it is no longer worth communicating with an individual because you can tell it will always be combative - if you are honest.  And you may hate your coworkers or your job because you're secretly so uncomfortable with the form or degree of political correctness involved.  But where you gonna go?

Imagine my friend who is volunteering for a nonprofit thrift store with a oversupply of jeans in sizes 7 and below for women. (i.e these are for such small hips one wonders how such a woman could give birth and survive.) She suggested they have a sale for these sizes - skinny people - and was told that would be DISCRIMINATORY!  I'm beginning to wonder if they will be able to continue to hang women's clothing separate from mens (that said, I'm sometimes partial to the unisex look and don't personally care if a man wants to wear women's jeans or visa versa but I can tell you, having tried it, that clothing patterned for the opposite sex rarely fits.) In actuality, it would be discriminatory to only sell those sizes to skinny people but it is not discriminatory to sell them to anyone who wants to buy them.

I've been thinking about these issues which have become increasingly prevalent in recent years.

People are expressing themselves all over the Internet but I wonder if this is because they cannot in their ordinary life? (What to call it? Personal Life (is there such a thing?) Real Life?  I suppose it is real if you are living it. Ordinary - as in NOT in the virtual world of the Internet?)

For those of us who remember life before there was Internet - or cell phones - we remember a certain feeling of connection with other human beings as well as overall, MORE TRUST that people would be honorable in their intentions.

I've TRUSTED a people who proved to be UNTRUSTWORTHY, and I understand.  But you have a choice in life to go around paranoid and to put everyone you meet on trial first, or trust them and let them prove themselves worthy of being hung. (It helps if you believe in karma and think you would not want theirs.)  There are so many con artists out there, for instance people who say they will pay you and then profit from the theft of your intellectual properties, that really we all need lawyers. (Now there's a thought.)

I would say that I meet few people these days who TRUST anything or anyone - not the government - and often, not even their partner they're having sex with. While being open minded to ideas and opinions and information in general, THERE IS A SEVERE LACK IN THE ABILITY TO EVALUATE THE SOURCE.  

Also I see that POSITIVE THINKING - combined with certain forms of religiosity - Christianity - can wipe out your ability to grumble to others as well because they won't hear you. Complain and someone will be negating your pain while telling you to BE GRATEFUL. Positive thinking or talking yourself out of what you're experiencing or feeling is a form of self censorship.

Gratitude is not for the things you earn or deserve. Gratitude is for the things you are given without earning or deserving. (Saying please and thank you can still go a long way.)

Following the Gabby Petito /Brian Laundrie case, I lost hours of my life clicking on YouTube videos with FAKE VOICES providing SPECULATION and THEORIES in search of information with some foundation. I wondered at these people who post these things - is it for hits - and eventual payout by YouTube?  Some of the more sickening stuff was a person who posted cartoonish videos of Brian being eaten by alligators. These people are called CREATORS or CONTENT CREATORS - and I wonder if their work should be labeled as FICTION. (How about it YouTube?)

i.e when it is the news  = journalism - it should be called NONFICTION.

VERY FEW OF THESE PEOPLE WHO WERE SUPPLYING CONTENT had the ability or reason to RESEARCH so they were basically supporting their take on the situation by leaning on others who also were not supplying content based on research.

A BUNCH OF LIARS.

SOME OF THESE PEOPLE WERE INDULGING IN NEGATIVE THINKING.  They indulged in character assassination.  They put Brian and his parents on trial.  They apparently do not endorse Americanism.  (OK, I get it that the legal process has not been trusted since the spectacle of the O.J. Simpson trial.)  They do not believe in the law or the legal process, or an individual's rights.

I know - I'm meandering and this needs to be edited.  But I'm in flow.  I'm letting my thoughts out.

C 2021-2026 Christine Trzyna

A MOMENT OF COMPASSION FOR THE LAUNDRIE FAMILY : IN THE UNITED STATES A PERSON IS PRESUMED INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY

Like millions of others, the story of the young engaged couple with the high drama relationship who decided to try the "van life" has captured my imagination. I'm watching YouTube videos and reading dozens of articles following the story.  

Terribly, it is also a story of citizen vigilantes,  show-stopping grabs for personal notoriety (Duane Chapman - Dog the Bounty Hunter), lots of speculation called fact,  lots of name calling (Sorry, John Walsh, but when you started calling the family Dirty Laundry you plunged to the depths of a name calling school yard bully - very unprofessional) and people who never knew Gabby driving hundreds of miles to be part of a spectacle funeral and harassments of the parents at their home including the use of bull horns and drones. 

The parents are trying to keep to their daily life as best they can while traumatized and frightened.  So what if they went shopping or camping or worked in their garden?  They too await some horrible possibilities such as never seeing their son again, or their son being discovered dead, or perhaps never having a private life again. 

Each and every one of these harassers should be charged with public mischief and/or disturbing the peace.

The Laundrie family cannot win.  All of these harassments and in particular the judgement against Brian's sister - which I will get into in a moment - PROVE THAT THE LAUNDRIE FAMILY WERE RIGHT TO ENGAGE AN ATTORNEY SPOKESPERSON and keep their mouth's shut.  If and when they are sworn under oath in a court of law to speak, then they should tell their truth.

ALL OF THESE PEOPLE who have gotten themselves involved HAVE GONE AGAINST A FUNDAMENTAL FACT, that in this UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, an individual is presumed innocent until proven guilty.  And so many people are spinning stories on YouTube, on the backs of stories by the supposed experts.

For the Laundrie family is not supposed to be accused, judged, or condemned - not yet.  If we cannot individually or collectively give them that space and grace, then we should not expect it either when we are, perhaps, falsely accused.

Instead Brian and his sister and her family have never once, been thought of or reported as stunned, stymied, lied to, or perhaps in their own deep grief. Asking themselves what they did wrong or could do better? The parents, like any parent living a normal life, may be going through confusion and disbelief that their son could ever murder his girlfriend.

Posts showing the couple clearly in love and enjoying themselves are now supposed to help prove not all was well when like many a couple who indulge in drama do in fact love each other deeply. I'm not making an excuse here for abuse or saying that you should stay in such a relationship but I'm saying it's not all black and white.  As my mom used to say "It takes two to tango."

Brian and the family are in a situation where the MOB RULES - they are actually in danger. 

As for his sister who gave a compassionate statement a week or so ago that she loved Gabby and her children did too, she is being accused of being a liar simply because she said she had not TALKED to Brian.  She was not asked if she SAW him.  What is the difference?

How many times have you seen a friend around and NOT ACTUALLY TALKED TO THEM?

Saying Hi, hello, how are you, and making chit chat is TALKING but that is a very basic and literal interpretation.  Mine is that what she meant was that she had not talked to him about anything particular to the case.  That she did not have a heart to heart conversation with him.

I once had a friend who called me and asked if she could come and visit and stay with me.

I agreed and thought we would spend some quality time together and have that heart to heart talk.  Days went by as we went to restaurants and otherwise spent time together, but it never happened.  In fact at one point we were sitting together watching horses being trained and she seemed to not know I was sitting next to her, so non communicative she was.  I felt she needed that superficiality, that she had too much on her mind at that moment, and was not especially offended. I knew she had wanted to visit me to get the hell out of her town where her ex was remarrying and I respected her privacy.  I figured if she wanted to talk about it, she would.

Other reportage states that the parents didn't even ask their son where Gabby was.  In fact we do not know that.

Frankly, since it seems the couple were off and on for several years - Brian could have come home and said that he and Gabby split, or that she took off and he couldn't find her, or that he decided to drive the van home and wait for her there.  As for him using her credit card without her permission, sorry but couples who live together often share credit and pin codes.  If he used the card, he had to know the codes.  If he charged gasoline to get the vehicle home rather than leave it in the wilderness in another state to be towed as abandoned, then he was actually trying to respect the ownership and value of the vehicle.

I know it looks bad for Brian, but please, consider what American Citizenship is about here and DO NOT HELP TO REMOVE OUR BASIC RIGHT.

It would be more helpful to say a prayer for justice and for the family than to a vigilante judge and jury. 

C 2021  Christine Trzyna

GABBY's DEATH SOCIAL MEDIA and UNFAIRNESS ABOUT MISSING PERSONS

Gabby Petito made headlines in the worst way possible, through her death.  And since then, because of her presence on social media - specifically YouTube - as she and her boyfriend attempted to document a carefree "van" lifestyle, citizen activists and citizen sleuths have been trying to help law enforcement solve the mystery.  I watched dozens of these videos, much of them repetitive without much new to say.  It helps to use the filter "last hour" to make your way through some of these. 

A criticism that I think is unfair is that Gabby got all the media attention because she's a blond, blue eyed White woman.  While I do suspect that Black missing people might not get the same attention as White in some places, the reason this story - one of an easy half million missing people a year in the United States - grabbed our attention was:  

That the couple did seek attention in the first place.  Like others who document their van life hoping to gain a following and enough interest to get paid by YouTube, the couple set out to depict their travels to National Parks.

The irony of their happy together photos and the reality that there was domestic violence taking place.  (The Titanic was not the only steamship that sunk but we are riveted by that story because this was the ship that was marketed as unsinkable.)

Our ability to inspect the photos and judge.  I think they did have many a happy moments together. I think it's difficult to fake such happiness in photos.  We are all examining photos and making judgements about what has been Photoshopped or otherwise altered, be it happy photos or UFO photos.

Perhaps the racist idea that White women are so advantaged that they don't have domestic violence issues in relationships. (I've been told to my face that I'm advantaged for being born White and I think that's ignorant. People who say such things don't know the history of an individual or that White people come from various ethnicities and cultures. It would be like thinking all Native Americans have the same ethnicity or culture.)

The knowing that if this couple had therapy or learned anger management, the outcome could have been so different.

I'm writing this a few days ahead of some of the information that will be forthcoming such as the cause of death in actuality, the timeline, and the whereabout of boyfriend Brian.  At this time I'm open minded enough to think it is possible that Brian, who is being tried and convicted in the media, might not have killed his girlfriend.

C 2021  Christine Trzyna