DISEASE OF THE MONTH CLUB AS AN ONLINE PROFILE?
USE "DUCK DUCK GO" TO RESEARCH!
(A Humor Piece)
by Christine Trzyna
My friend "P" called me in a panic recently because she discovered that her Google Searches comprise an on-line profile of her interests, obsessions, fears, hopes, and joys, and even that she's been looking up people she used to know, like passive-agressive Bartley, the guy who married someone else.
She didn't know that long-ago-boyfriend's computer in another state possibly might be telling him that she's "hitting" on him still after all these years!
She just wanted to see what the woman he did marry looks like, found the bitch, who she said had legs strong enough to wrestle an alligator and a huge proud beer belly, and who had the nerve to brag that she made more money thatn him, and after some severe snickering, was satisfied.
"P" was looking people up not because she wants to contact them but just because she wanted to know certain people who had really bugged her in high school were still alive. Now she is forever electronically linked to them, should the NSA target her.
There's some application you can use to find out what the Advertisers, just because they want to target you, know and the Authorities, just because you've been accused of a crime, can find out about you.
Will the time you found yourself reading erotica on line go against you?
"P" e-mailed about finding Bartley and her Yahoo account threw up ad after ad for diamond engagement rings. Shit! It wasn't just reading her e-mails, or searches, it was looking into her soul, taunting her early romantic failure. It was almost telepathic!
I tried to reason with her. The chances of "P" ever being looked into for any nefarious reason are just too slim. She's hardworking, law abiding, and decent. The worse that you could say about her is that she let Bartley go to the bitch without a fight and that she was underemployed long enough to have defaulted on her student loan.
If anything I wish she would file a complaint with the FBI over the local guy, Felix, who has been stalking her for a couple years and who has tried to get at her using various e-mail addresses and inappropriate e-mails to friends of hers, and other on-line hooliganisms. He even created a Flickr account with her name on it and a YouTube station ditto, so desperate is he to see the inside of a prison cell. The guy frequently calls her or has other people call her just to see if he can rouse her; she moved and her phone number remains unchanged. She saves the text messages he sends without reading them or replying. She's tried not to react or give him hope. She's told him to stop more than once, even had her boyfriend call him, but he keeps popping on up, using any excuse. Sometimes he is in the same store or the same street as she is and she leaves fast.
Felix is mentally unwell. He's a pain in the ass.
"Let the FBI chase the guy down and rearrange his fantasy life!" that's what I said.
But "P"s panic and then anger at being spied upon did get to me last night. I began to think of what my user profile might look like, especially as I have so very many interests, I read all around subjects, and because I don't just research for myself. I also research for other people, for free, because I care about them or because they ask me, especially seniors.
Yes, there are still people out there who think anything that has to do with typing is secretarial work, or they simply don't like machines, or their arthritis is too painful for them to type, or they just want to let me make their lives simple and I'm willing.
I like to research. I've gotten good at it.
I look up other people's diseases, their diagnosis, their medicines, their health benefits, their doctors, changes in medical care, and who to call if their care-giver is abusive or if they want their ex off their sofa, or what assisted living buildings are in their area.
If a computer assumes that because I have searched for or read about blood diseases, genetic links to tumors, strokes, heart conditions, high cholesterol, extreme diets, hot flashes, fatty liver, breast reduction, sore big toes, herbal supplements, medical grass clinics, extreme physical therapy, early onset memory loss, food banks, latent lesbianism, companion animals, senior safe sex, senior tennis teams at the park and senior swim hours at the wading pool, it's all about me, what can I do about it now?
Besides crawl off and die in a corner somewhere?
Here's a clue. I can use Duck Duck Go as my search engine. Yes, long a Google Girl, I'm giving this strangely named search engine a try.
C 2013 Christine Trzyna All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights
