PLANT BASED DIETS THAT KILL? WRITING PARTNERS THAT KILL? ARE YOU A VEGETARIAN or PERHAPS A REVENGETARIAN?

When I was in college working on my Creative Writing, an instructor decided to make writing partners of sorts out of us by first quizzing us on our diets and twinning us with others who ate like we did. A notoriously vegetarian school, "Woke" a good twenty years before the state of California as is, thick with suffocating political correctness as a form of religion, a place where an on site eaterie actually served meat but you could get stared down for openly eating a tuna sandwich, I got stuck with the other meat eater. 

I tried to be cooperative but the person I was stuck with was a jealous and competitive woman (i.e. she played real dirty beginning with threatening me that she was a witch) who wanted to be at the top of the hill and decided she'd say whatever she could to push me down it. When I think back on reasons why I hated the school (there were some reasons I loved it too) this woman and the whole bullshit situation with her including instructors coddling her and accepting her bribes (i.e. her delivery of home made casseroles on their doorsteps) is at the top of the list.

In short, the fact that we both ate meat did not mean we had anything in common, even if we both had meat eaters eye teeth or traditionally human intestinal tracks designed by Our Maker to digest meat. In actuality we were never close to writing "partners". She was only able to make smart ass remarks towards me and my work. And, by the way, I began to see that I was quite possibly unsuitable ethnically to be applauded by my instructors. After years of being passed by in many situations in life due to my ethnicity, such as being the butt of Polish jokes in another classroom, now I was too "White" and considered advantaged to be there, even though I was not one of the many Trust Fund Babies I was surrounded with and going broke. The bitch couldn't stop her whole "I am Mexican and a Single Mother and therefore I Deserve So Much More Than You," mantra, seeking every advantage such as living in the funky, sought after "married student" housing (Where was the husband?) and submitting work written years earlier as new in workshops which was unfair to everyone else there. I was older than her so I tried to be more mature and not respond.

I never bought into the school cafeteria plans preferring to cook for myself and budget. There were so many grocers in the area who carried "health food," begun in the 1960's when hippies settled, that it was easy to purchase vegetarian or vegan alternatives and afford to. So for about 6 weeks, maybe 8, I ate nothing but vegetarian food - lots of Tofu with sauces. This was not the time to do a lot of cooking and these packaged vegetarian meals were easy. I was so busy, possibly I never thought much about food or felt hungry.

One day a friend of mine, younger, a gentleman from Mexico*, who never played that card, and who drank a wicked twelve cups of coffee a day habit, looked at me and said something like, "Your hair!  Your nails!  You're not getting enough proteins." It was uncharacteristically open of him to say such a thing. I immediately confessed that I had been eating vegetarian. I immediately went back to eating some meat.

If I could do it over, I'd probably also be ingesting a suitcase full of the finest vitamins and herbs, and maybe make more of an effort eating in a food combining way. (One vegetarian from Germany there was only eating white pasta with tomato spaghetti sauce and tapioca pudding and no one thought this PHD candidate had an eating disorder.) I would also use the school pool. I was overall fit. A good weight. Lots of walking. But...

Lately, I'm beginning to think that the whole VEGAN MOVEMENT is actually a government conspiracy because there IS NOT ENOUGH FOOD FOR THE PLANET, including the United States, especially if you want to eat a traditional balanced meal. I know about the dubious food pyramids that have us eating way more grains than we should. I also know that millions of American have less than $2000 in assets because that's a requirement if you want to get Government Food Aid (ie.EBT, CalFresh, etc.) Of course the line ups for free food - miles long - preceded the line ups for free vaccines and there were just as many SUV's.

The other day I went into a Vons market and was shocked at the price of meat which, as an example, featured as a deal a pound of ground turkey for $6.99. The last time I bought  a pound of ground turkey I paid about $2.99. I'm aware that food that travels well, such as garlic cloves, are being imported and sold at dollar stores such as 99 Cents Only, meaning that we are importing garlic when heck, Gilroy, California is the Garlic Capital. I'm not sure where else these stores are getting vegetables and salad greens but I'm sure that Mexico is one of those places.

Water shortages are another aspect of the Food issue. If your water bill doesn't do it, your awareness that there is a water shortage will make you consider Depression Era Sink Baths instead of daily showers. It's said that the reason meat is now so expensive is that feeding animals is more expensive because growing food is more expensive because water is so expensive due to water shortages.

WHAT IF YOU ARE BEING MANIPULATED INTO GOING AGAINST YOUR HUMAN BODY with this PLANT BASED DIET trend?  Over the last couple weeks I've tried two newish products catering to the plant based diet folks, fake meat. Maybe fresh out of the package it was eatable but I wasn't fooled that it was meat and it soon started to slime. It was also expensive and processed to turn some form of plant-based sludge into what looked like wieners or slabs of lunch meat, thick and reddish between slabs of brown bread.  I went shopping, with memories of one of my long gone friends saying "Try this, it's the best,"  and putting a Hebrew National hot dog on a white plate with a side of Kraut. I bought both. When I think back on food during my college days, I think humus piled on a bagel.

C 2021 Christine Trzyna

SHE'S ALMOST VEGETARIAN and AS THE CUPBOARD GETS BARE, SHE'S PANICKING : TALKING TO STRANGERS

I wish I could remember the name of the book.  It was about taking chances.  It had a long questionnaire that was based on food preferences.  Since there are certain spices I avoid and a certain food group that I avoid,  which means certain restaurant's I avoid, I took the questionnaire figuring that it would prove what I know about myself, that I'm adverse to risk.  I'm cowardly, I thought.  I was shocked to learn that I actually was as risk-taking as an astronaut.  Never mind motion sickness.

Basically, I got points for actually eating a wide range of foods or being willing to try some of them once.  Over time I've accepted that this is true about me.  Living in a huge city with many ethnic restaurants, I probably have given a lot of different dishes a try, even if I default to Pad Thai.  I've also adapted recipes and learned to cook with ingredients I don't remember from my childhood.  I'm not vegan or vegetarian, but I eat far less meat, and a far smaller range of meat, than my parents.  It is rare for me to have a hot dog or lunch meat or ham.  But if hungry and offered these by a friend, I will eat them.

I believe that bouts of limitation have also resulted in my possibly more expansive food choices.

I had this conversation with one of the most vital senior citizens I've ever met, someone I admire and find myself quite compatible with.

SHE SAID :  "I'm starting to panic.  My cupboards are going bare."

I SAID : I once knew a man who convinced me that I needed to stock up on canned goods.  He said there was only a three day supply of food on the grocery store shelves and that if it got real bad in this city, well, I'd better own a gun to defend my water heater!  After that, every time I went to the store, I bought a couple extra cans of beans or something.  Then one day I wondered what I was going to do with all those cans.

SHE SAID : Me too!  But look!

I opened her big wood cupboard, and what I saw was lots and lots of sauces and dips and condiments along with cans of chili from Trader Joe's.  Some of this stuff is exotic.  And expensive.

I SAID : Well, you know you cook something different every day.  You can utilize whatever it is you have in the cupboard.  No one knows how to use spices like you.

She nodded but pointed to her huge spice rack.  It was half full.

SHE SAID : And my friends leave me fruit picked from their trees on the porch.

She has loquats, grapefruit, oranges, lots of lemons.  Also avocado.

I SAID : Imagine the people who never have anything in their fridge or their cabinets, people who go out to eat most days, meet their friends - they must be going hungry and crazy.  What are they going to do with a sack of dried split peas?

She cut an invention of hers, an upside down pear cake.

SHE SAID : I'm out of whole wheat flour.

I SAID : Well, there's going to be a meat shortage.  Good thing you don't eat much meat.  You won't miss it.

SHE SAID : My son in law just goes to the store for me every two weeks.

I SAID :  No one on this earth better knows what you're willing to eat when he goes to the store.

She will not leave the house to go to a grocery store, even wearing a mask and gloves. When he brings the groceries in paper bags, she lets them sit 3 hours, then takes each item and washes it.  I've been picking up these bags and folding them for her.  Sometimes we leave them out in the sun.

SHE SAID : I'm not used to this.  I'm starting to get worried.

The truth is that this lady does not have a financial problem in her retirement.  She isn't rich, but she has enough, a good roof over her head paid for, many friends who call to check in, a daughter and son in law and grandchildren who love her.  She will not starve.  What she's reacting to is not hunger or malnutrition.  It's that the products she likes are not as available on the shelves at the grocer.

I've long admired this women, also, because unlike some elderly, she is not stuck on eating the same food frequently.  She's not the Duchess of Windsor with her boiled chicken diet.

This really is the time to try new ingredients, new recipes, with whatever you have in your cupboards.  Those who are vegan or vegetarian usually know how to get enough protein in their diets, though I still believe that some people, including me, cannot bodily get enough from a plant-based diet.  Nor do I wish to travel with suitcases of supplements.  Those split peas really are good for soups and to add to mashed potato to make fritters.  From all reports we American will not run out of apples or potatoes too soon.

C 2020 Christine Trzyna

THEY DIDN'T PAY ME TO SAY THIS EITHER! WONKA SWEETTART GUMMIES

Do you ever get the desire to have the flavor of something in your mouth that is totally ARTIFICIAL, like maybe when you've been "good" all week and had Organic?  Well, then demand that your closest store carry WONKA candy brand, Sweettarts Gummies, which are of a wonderful gummy-sugary texture and SATURATED with flavor.  Yes, the first ingredient is CORN SYRUP.  And it might even be the evil GMO CORN SYRUP.  However, these must be experienced!