The following content has appeared on time-wasting "News Stories" that include YouTube videos that feature True Crime, as well as in the actual Media, where paid journalists and researchers attempt to convict a person before the American legal system does just to entertain you and keep up their ratings. NewsNation is especially guilty. I've given time to listening to these over the months since Bryan Kohberger was arrested and I take it he's the only suspect. Over 30 organizations and individuals have filed legal papers to have the Gag Order repealed so they can find more to report upon. In the meantime every possible tidbit of information from unnamed sources is used by him, her, and them to produce "news."
Some of what is seriously reported is really LOL yet extremely worrisome in what it means to me and you.
I have learned that you are a criminal if you...
Wear Rubber Gloves to deal with garbage which might contain all sorts of filth and disease. (Get that gook under your nails!)
Sort your garbage. (We not only have to sort recycled items from regular trash and greenery but also separate food scraps for composting. We are advised that some items such as electronics, batteries, spray paint, house paint and nailpolish, should never be put in regular garbage but should be bagged in plastic and taken to toxic waste sites.)
Put garbage in your neighbor's bin. (We do this all the time when we have no more room in ours. The only provision is that one waits until the night before or morning of trash day.)
Wear a mask or own a mask, even though Covid-19 is still a problem and wearing a mask is still required in some governmental and nonprofit settings, some schools, as well as highly advised in places where you have contact with many other people and social distancing is not possible, such as while riding a public bus. For the record I own two black cloth masks and a couple colorful ones and am still, per situation, wearing the papery give-aways.)
Wear Black. In Central and Southern California, people wear black, which might seem odd to people in other parts of the U.S. where sunshine is associated with bright and loud and colorful clothing (i.e Florida and Arizona) and many people can only think Blue Jeans. I cannot think of anyone I know who does not own and wear some black. I personally still associate with some people who wear black T-shirts, sweats, and other black items like a uniform. Obviously waitresses and hairdressers who wear black are especially suspicious people.)
Own or wear "tennis" shoes. (Ditto! Casual, rubbery or foamy supportive shoes have replaced formal, leather shoes, even in the workplace, except it seems for truly corporate types, such as bankers.)
Hair is found in your apartment, home, or on your belongings such as the interior of your vehicle. (Considering that hair loss experts say that humans loose about 200 hairs a day each, I'm surprised there aren't tumble weed sized hair balls rolling down the freeways. Hair sure does block up our tub drains! Especially mixed with tooth paste!)
Are up in the middle of the night. (All those people who meditate mid-morning like gurus and Whitley Strieber, the UFO abductee, or get up to go to the toilet or suffer from overactive minds are clearly criminal. Let's face it that if you are not buying some sort of remedy for hair loss, you probably are buying some sort of "sleep aid" be it prescribed drug or herbal supplement or melatonin.)
Wear PJ's in the middle of the night. (Apparently it is better to fall asleep in your day clothing then get comfortable. Then you'll be appropriately dressed for your arrest. Leave your shoes on!)
Underline passages in books. (Before you bring home any book, be it from a book sale, the library, a garage sale, be sure that it is without any underlining that anyone else did. That could get you in real trouble. Also be careful of what sort of books you own or borrow as you are leaving a trace that a mere interest in, say, witchcraft, could really mean something! There is no such thing as an adventurous mind.)
Mention in passing to a neighbor a local murder, shooting, or other crime event.
(Even though it's all everyone is talking about, especially because of all that media coverage, and you're glad you were not there and wonder if your neighbor was. This kind of talk used to be called "small talk" and was the only talk considered safe socially, unlike religion or politics. My dad used to say, "Talk about the weather!" On the list of things that are potentially not safe to discuss with neighbors, strangers, and people at church and work now is the weather (because of climate change controversies) and also diets (because you can be singled out for abuse by Vegetarians and Vegans if you still can afford to and eat meat.)
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Cruise to find others attractive, especially not where so many attractive people are, such as at college campuses. (I'm suspicious of all those college lecturers and professors who have hankerings for their young students - ages 18 -21, year after year, as they get older and more decrepit themselves. You know professor there comes a time when you have to look in the mirror and realize you are just too old for them, and 40ish is about that time.)
Look at Facebook and other websites where people post photos of themselves, attractive and sexy (a little tempting cleavage), having fun, drinking and drunk, bragging, attempting to prove themselves popular. (If you don't want International Fame or Infamy, set it on private. On the other hand, if you do not social network you are clearly a weirdo!)
Go shopping or to restaurants or bars or visit with friends within a half hours driving time of your own home. (Where you live is B O R I N G !)
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Get nervous when pulled over by the police while driving. (I got caught in a speed trap once, unknowingly, and was shocked that the police wanted ME to pull over. I was shaking. As I had been in a row of cars behind a red light and was just starting to gain speed, I still think the police officer was shit from boots to cap in claiming I was speeding.)
Plan a road trip or vacation with your very own parent(s)! (Sadly, this is more suspicious than if you plan a road trip or vacation with your friends, room mates, or coworkers!)
Want company on a long, possibly exhausting, road trip rather than drive all by yourself. (Don't you want to fall asleep at the wheel?)
Drive rather than fly. (Do you really want to check out the scenery from earth level? Or pee at a rest stop? Or eat trucker food? Consider your flight options!)
Plan to sell your car. (Obviously, anyone who sells a car, especially an older model used, is trying to hide evidence.)
Wash a car that has just been on a long road trip and has so much dirt on it that someone might write "Wash Me" on the back windows with their finger! (Innocent people love their dust, dirt, and grime! They keep their dogs stinky too!)
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Have a flashlight and use it!
Vacuum your carpets at home or the interior of your car. (Using a broom is so much more efficient even if it doesn't suck the dust!)
Shut your cell phone off. (The battery never needs to recharge. You never need to restart it, download apps and restart it, and your phone never crashes. Take it from me, someone who used to own a phone that connected to Las Vegas Nevada in the middle of the night - several hours away! - despite a ping tower a quarter mile away.)
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And also...
If you laugh out loud, taunt law enforcement or your fellow inmates, you're crazy and dangerous, like Jim Morrison of the Doors. But if you keep your mouth shut, are too quiet, keep your thoughts to yourself, well... crazier!
If you SHOW INTEREST in what's being televised about your case (such as that the Media has convicted you), if you SHOW INTEREST in your own defense, then that proves you're guilty! (Never mind that there is nowhere to go and nothing else to do but watch TV.)
And if you grew up in a Catholic family and went to a Catholic College, and a Catholic priest comes to give you a private Mass once a week, and Holy Communion, well, you're headed strait to Hell or you just did your Last Confession before you're put to death by firing squad. (Probably there is no chance, Thank God, that Bryan Kohberger is going to become a Born Again, "Saved" Christian in prison, and follow in the footsteps of so very repentant Doreen Virtue.)
Oh, and I forgot to mention, that if you are of an ethnic heritage and have genetic ROUND eye, which is often most associated with White People, clearly there is something hinky about you. Unlike people with eyes that slant or are small or squinty there has been a parade of ROUND EYED CRIMINALS lately, which includes Elizabeth Holmes... the former biotechnology entrepreneur.
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I could go on, but it's clear that this case rests on DNA evidence, from which blood, bodily fluids, or, yes, hair, is the essential evidence. But in the meantime be especially careful about the books you read and watch that underlining!
Just remember, there are unique and perhaps ironic things about this case that has captured the imagination, but about 35,000 people in the U.S. are murdered each year, meaning there are about 35,000 murderers, give or take the Mass Shooters, and rarely does a case get the expertise, money, and notice that this one has. Did they really have to fly a helicopter around the Kohberger home for hours before the arrest and then shock the whole family with a break in? Or was that for dramatic effect?
Keep the Gag Order. Even if it does not apply to the family members. I don't want to hear about how the victims all wore angel wings from Kaylees's family or the family attorney.
Think about it. If you were accused or arrested, would you not want LEGAL PROCESS, a FAIR TRIAL, and to be CONSIDERED INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY?
C 2023 Christine Trzyna
