I'm not sure of this, but I don't think I know of anyone who has not been involved in or affected by DOMESTIC VIOLENCE at some point in their lives.
REALIZE THIS:
The stereotype is that domestic violence is Heterosexual man against Heterosexual woman, that domestic violence is PHYSICAL VIOLENCE, and that domestic violence is only among couples - who presumably are married, living together, partners, who are "romantic" or who have sex. (And many programs and shelters including those funded by our government, only recognize this as well.) But DOMESTIC VIOLENCE includes parents who for years on end verbally demean their children without raising their voices, it includes gay couples and daters who live apart, It can be someone you went on a first date with AND MOST CERTAINLY INCLUDES DATE RAPE, it includes entire families who pick on one family member - shunning or otherwise screwing them over - in a unified abuse. There are many more examples I could bring up here, but the point is, it is an EPIDEMIC.
Consider THE ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD overhearing the horrible verbal abuse including the words "I'll kill you" heard many nights for YEARS ON END that go on between an adult man in his 50's and his aunt - unofficially a caregiver - who has nowhere else to live. The man OWNS the apartment building - is that why he gets away with it? The tenant above his apartment whose sleep has been disturbed for years has been overhearing this horror for over 20 years because she cannot afford to move. There are times when the yelling GOES ON FOR HOURS and you can also hear neighbors out there pleading with him that they need their sleep. Really this man is insane and needs to live in a mental hospital where he is strictly monitored. He is angry and he is a danger.
I've called the police on this man twice and they NEVER CAME OUT. Another neighbor says she reported the situation on one of those TIP LINES including stating that she fears it will become physical and she has no reason to think anything happened as a result - no visits from Mental Health. The police have probably been called dozens of times, but they do NOT show up or REMOVE THIS MAN FROM THE PREMISIS, not for one night. Adult Protective Services is not coming out to remove the aunt to another place - where is she gonna go? A homeless shelter where she'll be surrounded by dozens of abusers?
THE ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD takes this DOMESTIC VIOLENCE as simply a fact of life. When I mentioned that this was informing and teaching the CHILDREN in the neighborhood that this is OK, normal behavior, a grandfather blanched.
I think collectively as neighbors we need to take notes, keep calling the police, and so on, but I'm reminded that mentally ill people may have more rights than those who are not. The aunt has been psychologically and emotionally murdered for years on end. Apparently no one cares about her and she has nowhere to run to. Actually you could move and end up living in hearing range of yet another domestic violence situation as it is so common.
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Consider also a once upon a time friend of mine. He had not dated much when he met a woman who also had not dated much, a single mom years older than he. She was a person who bit by bit managed to convert him to eating her way, and that was just one of the ways she CONTROLLED him. They'd have long conversations about things, sure, but in the end he always had to agree to do things her way or she'd allow him some choices - such as what to order for dinner or which shirt he wanted to buy - because being a unified couple was just so important. She bit by bit by bit managed to find reasons to eliminate all his friends or get him to, in particular his woman friends. She ISOLATED him. Yep, he let her. Was he that lonely that he didn't want to reclaim an independent life? I knew he thought of himself as having been raised an abused child. Why had he not seen this relationship as the same? He'd had some trouble in his employment and finally found a decent job which held responsibility and in which he used his intelligence and skills but was convinced by her that the job was killing him and instead he had to let her support him. He LOST HIS INDEPENDENCE.
I learned after we no longer were friends that their arguments for all to hear in the apartment building where they lived sometimes went on for THREE DAYS and NIGHTS.
The therapists they saw seemed to strengthen their individual and couple self righteousness and sense of entitlement about how they were to be treated by everyone outside their relationship. Meanwhile they both appeared at poetry events reading love poetry to each other and so many listeners thought of them as so lucky to have that love that this couple oozed all over each other. People were charmed by how devoted they were to each other and to causes. Out in the world they had the reputation of being "peaceniks."
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So Gaby and Brian are now on the posters. How could their relationship come to what it did? Do they not seem happy with each other - genuinely so - in those photographs and videos? Well, I think LOTS OF PEOPLE KNEW - friends - parents - other family members - and neighbors - maybe also teachers. I wonder how many of them MADE EXCUSES FOR ONE OR BOTH OF THEM or just stayed out of it. For while Gaby is portrayed as an angel - with WINGS - she too was involved in domestic violence with and to Brian.
WHY IS THIS SO OFTEN THE CASE?
