Recently, I got a couple of comments that advised me that my blog was getting better all the time - funnier - and maybe more interesting. I was also complimented on the high quality of the blog - that reading it is a pleasure.
But I have mixed feelings about writing for approval and the truth is, I'm really not. Though I do hope my writerly blog is of support to other writers, and am a very bookish person who admires many other writers for what they have written, this blog is for me first. I write it as if no one is reading it! I don't see that my goal in writing my blog is to make people like me, approve of me, or my humor or my attitude, though it's nice if they do. (I need support too!) That's why I haven't installed an ego-tickling ticker to count hits. Now Google rates by hits, while Yahoo has apparently dumped me because I don't have an impressive number of links!
This blog is my diary. I know the stories behind certain posts that I would never tell. But when I personally click click click to an old post, I remember. For the reader I would say this is a tease. Like Sally Rand, I'm keeping a lot of parts covered, on purpose. That's my pleasure.
And as far as being funnier, I do have a sense of humor and it's one that is not always appreciated, so when someone gets me? OK! That's an ego stroke akin to a full body massage with exotic oil, OK.
But deeper to the accupressure point, I am just so glad I have this blog as well as WES BRYAN-MY LIFE IN MUSIC to express myself with, because right now the time I have to write, the time I have to even think my own thoughts, or go without interruption, is severely limited. I fantacize about going somewhere - escaping to a place - where I cannot see or speak to another human being for weeks if I choose (OK I'll take Wes' calls!) and WRITE WRITE WRITE!
I also KNOW that the time is coming when I'll be writing a book which will take all my efforts NOT TO CARE WHAT MY READERS THINK OF ME. In fact I will consider it my duty to piss off my readers; when it comes to a full range of human emotions I have them. And I won't want anyone to tell me not to write it, or how to write it, or that what I need to say need not be said. (As a hint, read the holocaust poem below!) It's going to take true fearlessness to get my truth down, so yes, my readers will cry.
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OK thanks D, yes hopefully laugh too!
