10/26/24
THE WALK : PEPE MARQUEZ
10/23/24
10/18/24
MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR A FRIEND
How many people have come through your life to walk just a little ways with you?
My friend, let's call him John, was that way... Actually I became his friend at the same time I became the friend of his long time companion, let's call her Betty. Betty and John had meet over 20 years earlier and became good friends with each other over time. They outlasted many others who walked just a little ways with them, some who had passed onto The Other Side. When I met them, though they had never lived together, there had been blended family vacations. They had breakfast with each other five mornings a week, sometimes McDonalds, though his favorite food was peanut butter and hers is grilled cheese.
These two managed to support each other through so very much over the years. I personally came into their friendship circle late. He would say to me "Any of these guys give you a hard time, just let me know. I know exactly what to say." At that time I became a member of his (mythical) "harem" though he never was called to duty. Also, John was a dirty joke teller and I'm the only person in recorded history to turn one around on him and make him blush.
John had the rather common combo of high blood pressure and diabetes, and seemed to be doing well enough but then something rather unexpected happened to Betty. Long a resident of her part of Southern California, living with a daughter in her big house for a couple decades, Betty went to vacation with her other daughters who live in another state. We anticipated her returning for her birthday, last spring, and I was going to throw her a surprise welcome home party... So, though I had not talked to her in months, I started calling her to get the details about her return. And, well, it turned out her daughter decided it was time she stay in the other state, where her sisters could "share" their mother.
The way this was pulled off wasn't, as we say in the Valley, kosher, and it was news to John too. We all wondered how much she knew when she was driven to the other state in a vehicle quite full of her possessions to "visit." Upon the realization that Betty would not be back, John's medical condition worsened. He was a veteran and headed for the VA where he was put on dialysis. He went from no dialysis to dialysis three days a week. Into a nursing home - where he soon learned he was evicted - and all his possessions thrown to the street.
I had offered to go in and take out what he wanted.
Without hesitation he said he wanted his fishing rods, eight jars of peanut butter, and some rocks he hadn't finished tumbling. To me this meant that he was looking forwards to getting home and back to activities and things he loved. But the loss of the apartment meant that he knew there was no going home.
On a visit he said, "I've had more years than most people get," and "I just want to live long enough to get my 50 year chip from A.A." So Betty and I endeavored to get him that chip, a little early... We went and bought it... but he died before we could present it.
The VA had John cremated and in a box so fast, his poor daughter who had flown in from across the world had it in her hands on the flight back practically the day after he died. No funeral, no viewing... I tend to think the costs thrust upon us by the whole funeral business is ridiculous... but so was this.
So we decided to throw a memorial service for John, with Betty in charge, and she flew back in for an extended stay with her local daughter, after all.
We pulled it off, though it was unwieldy. Contributions of $175 helped us buy a little food. His daughter flew in. There were tearful moments, and silly-happy moments. One of the most unexpectedly beautiful but tearful moments was when a person got up and sang John Denver's Country Roads. It turned out that John's daughter had been named for the Shenandoah Valley - so she cried. Rambling Rose was John's favorite song.
10/15/24
10/12/24
SITTING IN THE PARK : BILLY STEWART
This one reminds me of my friend Gary who went to the park near the beach and fed the squirrels every day during Covid closures... Since then, once in a while, on a Sunday afternoon, I head for the park to sit with Gary and the squirrels. When I'm running late, I send him this song... I love old school soul ...